Who Wants to Be (Kill) a Millionaire!!! GW Style!!
by Cathamaria
Summary: Just what it sounds like... Humour, character bashing, rated pg13 for language. This was written over the March Break, so don't be surprized at what you find... Please R&R. Thanks! ^_^
1. Part One

Who Wants To Be A Millionaire - Gundam Edition!!!  
  
This is exactly what you get when you mix a lack of sleep, a terribly high amount of cream soda, a VERY messed up mind, a week of Spring Break, and just a whole bunch of HOPELESS television imitations all together with one really crazy person who loves to impersonate other people... Oh, by the way, did I mention that this is littered with stupidity, unnecessary remarks, and pathetic attempts at humor, added to by self-insertion... This is supposed to be funny. Keyword: supposed.  
  
Disclaimer: CTV's presentation of "Who Wants to be a Millionaire" belongs to CTV. (Duh...) "Let's play Who Wants to be a Millionaire!!" belongs to Regis Filman, and Gundam Wing belongs to Bandai, Sunrise, Sotsu... ya-da ya- da ya-da...  
  
I also do not own the following things: The Simpsons characters, The Planet of The Apes Movie, Futurama, the electric chair, the statue of liberty, the IRS' demand list, the funny commercial voice, the party, Bender's lines, Dilandau and his flame thrower, Nataku's head, the water that's 90 proof, Dorothy's fencing foil, Lady Une's revolver, the insults that are meant just for fun and not to really insult anyone, the crickets, the Romefeller Foundation commercial, the phony one million dollar check, and anything else that seems out of place in this fic.  
  
Other things I have to say to keep me out of legal trouble: No characters, buildings, weapons/shields, live or inanimate objects were harmed during the production of this show. Thankyou.  
  
Now, on to the story.  
  
::Story begins here::  
  
::begin part one::  
  
Announcer Guy: Now, for CTV's presentation of "Who Wants to Be (Kill) a Millionaire, Gundam Edition"  
  
brought to you live from the New Edwards Base by *funny commercial voice* THE ROMEFELLER FOUNDATION... Keeping old traditions new... *end commercial voice*  
  
::commercial break::  
  
::suspense-filled intro music::  
  
::flashy lights::  
  
::audience applause::  
  
Host (Cat): Hi, I'm your host, Cat, and you're watching "Who Wants to KILL - ...er... *sweatdrop* *cough*  
  
...uh... BE a Millionaire on CTV!!  
  
::more audience applause::  
  
Cat: Phew, close one... Anywayz... This is a special GUNDAM Edition broadcast live from the New Edwards  
  
Base!!  
  
::applause, whistling, yelling::  
  
::a paper airplane flies out of nowhere and hits Cat on the head::  
  
Cat: *muttering under breath* Stupid people... *normal voice* Now, this IS a military installation, so may I  
  
remind you that ANY sudden move from the audience, this includes taking off your shirt and swinging  
  
it around like a stupid BABOON (TUBEROV!!), will cause a number of armed soldiers to barge into this  
  
room and start firing, therefore KILLING, anything alive and moving in this vacinity...  
  
::eerie silence::  
  
Cat: Now, are all are contestants here?  
  
::more eeire silence::  
  
Cat: WELL???  
  
::a sudden explosion shakes the building::  
  
::soldiers begin scattering around the base::  
  
::gunshots are heard and lasers are fired::  
  
Random Soldeir #1: *jumping up and down waving arms around* Enemy attack!!! ENEMY ATTACK!!!!!  
  
Random Soldier #2: We're all gonna die!!!!!!!!  
  
Random Soldier #3: Help!!! It's the enemy!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
::Mr. Burn pops out of nowhere in particular::  
  
Mr. Burns: Release the hounds!!!  
  
::people are yelling and running around like chickens without heads::  
  
Cat: Now, didn't I ask for this NOT to be allowed to happen??? We're on live, ya know!!!  
  
::commotion suddenly dies down::  
  
::eerie silence; crickets can be heard in background::  
  
::Heero walks in::  
  
Heero: Uh... Sorry I'm late... Hit traffic over Nairobi... and I sorta got my landing gear tied up and... I uh...  
  
MAYBE pushed the wrong button and bombed that building over there... The WHOLE base came at  
  
me after that, and... well... that delayed me even longer... so... Sorry I'm late...  
  
::audience gasps::  
  
::other contestants gasp::  
  
Heero: What?  
  
Quarte: *staring* No... you didn't...  
  
Wufei: *buts in* Which building did you blow up???  
  
Heero: Uh.. That one beside the hangar... The one with the white roof and blue drapery over the windows...  
  
Why?  
  
::contestants & audience & Cat gasps::  
  
::Mr. Burns has a heart attack::  
  
::med teams rush in and take Burns out::  
  
::Dr. Nick walks in::  
  
Dr. Nick: Hi everybody!!!  
  
Audience: Hi Dr. Nick!!!  
  
Dr. Nick: *points to Mr. Burns* Don't worry folks! He's going to be okay.  
  
::audience sighs::  
  
::Simpson characters disappear::  
  
::everyone goes back to death-glaring Heero::  
  
Heero: Uh... that's not good, is it?  
  
Duo: Dude, you are SOOO busted now, man!!!  
  
Wufei: You %?!#$@-&*$#!% #%??@$&!# IDIOT!!! Do you know what you just did??? Huh???  
  
Quatre: Calm down, Wufei...  
  
Trowa: Shut up, Quatre.  
  
Quatre: Sorry...  
  
Cat: HEERO! YOU just blew up, meaning you KILLED, ALL the Alliance Pacifists at a conference AGAIN!!!  
  
::Treize leans back in his chair, lightly tapping his fingertips together::  
  
Treize: E-x-c-e-l-l-e-n-t...  
  
::everyone turns and death-glares Treize::  
  
Treize: Uh.. eh hehehe.. I mean... HOW AWFUL!!! Heero, how could you???  
  
Heero: OH DEAR GOD!!! *goes all dramatic* I FAILED! I TOTALLY FAILED!!! *banging on the ground*  
  
Damn you! DAMN YOU!!! DAMN YOU ALL TO HELL!!!  
  
::a bunch of apes dressed in doctors' coats walks by::  
  
Ape #1: Let's get out of here, Dr. Zaeus.  
  
Ape #2: Good idea...  
  
Ape #3: That human seriously needs some help...  
  
::statue of liberty pops out of nowhere::  
  
Heero: NO!!!!! This IS the Earth!!! Damn you all!!!!  
  
::Heero gets cut off::  
  
Cat: O-k-k-k-a-a-a-a-y-y-y-y... THAT was strange...  
  
::Cat suddennly changes her mood::  
  
Cat: *smiling* Ah, well, I suppose that was part of the story plot... Where were those pacifists getting us  
  
anyway? *muttering* Stupid Alliance.. ruined the WHOLE Gundam plot...  
  
Lady Une: That's more like it...  
  
Cat: Well then... Now -  
  
::numerous people start coughing::  
  
::coughing dies away::  
  
Cat: Now, let's meet -  
  
::numerous people start coughing, sneezing, and dropping pencils (?) on the floor::  
  
Cat: *death-glaring at everybody*  
  
::muffled giggling::  
  
Cat: Well, if that's how it's going to be, WHY DON'T WE JUST LET THE CONTESTANTS INTRODUCE  
  
THEMSELVES???  
  
::audience applause::  
  
Cat: *smiling triumphantly*  
  
::spooky metal music::  
  
::spot light goes on::  
  
::James Bond Music::  
  
Heero: The name's Yuy. Heero Yuy.  
  
::audience goes silent; crickets chirping in background::  
  
Heero: Um... Heero Yuy, L1 Colony. I'm the homicidal, suicidal, psycopathic maniac obsessed with killing  
  
Relena.  
  
Relena: *clapping and cheering* Yay! Go Heero!!!  
  
::everyone death-glares Relena::  
  
::Relena shuts up and turns bright red::  
  
::spot light change::  
  
Duo: Duo Maxwell, L2 Colony. I kick ass for a livin' and I'm everyone's favorite pilot!  
  
::audience cheers::  
  
::spot light change::  
  
Trowa: ...  
  
Cat: Trowa?  
  
Trowa: ...  
  
Cat: TROWA???  
  
Trowa: Wha? Oh, ooops.. Trowa Barton, L3 Colony. I work for minimum wage in a circus with lions and my  
  
psycotic sister throws knives at me...  
  
Catherine Bloom: TROWA!!!  
  
::spot light change::  
  
Quatre: Quatre Rebarba Winner, L4 Colony. I'm the shy, lovable guy who is really, REALLY rich...  
  
FEMALES of the audience: *cheering* You go, Quatre! *whistling*  
  
Quatre: *grinning*  
  
::spot light change::  
  
::James Bond Music::  
  
Wufei: The name's Chang. Wufei Chang.  
  
::total silence; not even the crickets chirp::  
  
Wufei: Hmph! Wufei, L5 Colony. And Treize, watch out, cause I'm still gonna get you. Just wait...  
  
Lady Une: *butting in* Excuse me, but the last time I checked my job description, it said, as a Colonel, it is  
  
my duty to kick your ass if you're out to get Treize. What's with that anyway? Are you gay???  
  
Wufei: NO!!!  
  
Cat: We all know you are, Wuffie.. So shut up and let everyone introduce themselves.  
  
::audience cheers::  
  
Wufei: INJUSTICE!!!!  
  
::spot light change::  
  
Relena: Relena Peacecraft, Sanc Kingdom. I stalk Heero Yuy, and drive EVERYONE crazy.  
  
Heero: Damn right about that...  
  
::Bender pops out of the audience::  
  
Bender: Ahhhhhhh!!!! It's a monster!!! Kill it! KILL IT!!!  
  
::Bender runs out of building::  
  
Cat: O-k-k-k-a-a-a-a-y-y-y...  
  
Relena: Oh, and Heero, I just want ot thank you again for last night...  
  
Audience: Oo.oO _  
  
Duo: WHOA!!! TOO much information!!!  
  
Cat: *cough* *gag* *sputer* *cough* *cough* OH, THAT IS JUST NOT RIGHT!!! Eeeeewww..  
  
Heero: Shit.  
  
::spot light change::  
  
Treize: Treize Khushrenada, somewhere in Germany. I'm the Leader of OZ and the World Nation, and I'm a  
  
fav amongst the ladies... *winks at Une*  
  
Une: *stiffles a giggle*  
  
Audience: Oo.oO :P  
  
::spot light change::  
  
Lady Une: Lady Une, also somewhere in Germany. No one knows my real name, but I work for OZ as Treize's  
  
right hand aide, have SCARY split personalities, and as long as I can kill SOMETHING during  
  
this show, I'll be a happy schizophrinic...  
  
Cat: R-i-i-i-g-h-t-t... And you're supposed to be my idol?...  
  
::spot light change::  
  
Zechs: Zechs Merquise, Sanc Kingdom. I used to work for OZ, but now I'm with White Fang. My sister is a  
  
dorky princess and I like trying to destroy the Earth. I'm a platinum blonde and people can't help but  
  
love me... *beaming*  
  
Audience: *cheering*  
  
::spot light change::  
  
Dorothy: I'm Dorothy Catalonia, no one knows where I came from or WHAT I am, but I'm the FEMALE  
  
homicidal maniac with independently minded eyebrows. I like to start wars and kill people, and I'm  
  
even worse of a schizophrinic than Lady Une...  
  
Cat: *rolling eyes* I think we already knew that...  
  
::spot light change::  
  
::Dilandau barges in with a flame thrower::  
  
Dilandau: Moorrreeeeooo!!! The name's Dilandau and - ...uh... am I in the right building?  
  
Everyone: NO!!!  
  
Cat: Sorry, Dillie, the building for pyomania help is the one beside the Virgo MS factory.  
  
Dilandau: Could you tell me how to get there?  
  
Cat: Sure. You exit though the back, take a left, then a right, then another left, then right, then turn down the  
  
alley with the green neon sign, take a left, turn right, then left again, right, right, left, straight, then turn  
  
left at the fork in the road, then left at the Leo testing facility, then right, right, right, left, straight ahead,  
  
then turn left at the five mile sign, then right again, down the cliff, across the desert full of bolders, then  
  
straight, left, straight, then right, left, right, right, straight over the bridge and it's the building to your  
  
left with the crimson-scarlet brick make-up on the front and sides.  
  
Dilandau: *puzzled look* Huh???  
  
Producer backstage: Uh... It's the red building down the street...  
  
Dilandau: Oh... *turns and runs out* Morreo! MORREO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
::perplexed audience::  
  
::roaring laughter::  
  
Cat: Okay, I think we're done! Now, maybe we can GET ON WITH THE GAME???  
  
::audience applausse::  
  
::commercial break::  
  
::end part one::  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
***You like? If so, READ ON! ^_^ Don't forget to R&R*** 


	2. Part Two

::begin part two::  
  
::end commercial break::  
  
::metal music::  
  
::audience applause::  
  
Cat: We're back, and it's time for our first fastest finger question! You know the rules. First one to put these  
  
in order correctly gets into the hotseat!  
  
::cheering::  
  
Cat: Can we have silence in the audience please?  
  
::spooky metal music::  
  
Cat: Put these mobile suits in order from the crappiest to the most well- performanced. A. Aries, B. Taurus,  
  
C. Virgo, and finally D. Leo.  
  
::music while contestants answer question::  
  
Cat: Okay! Time's up. And the answers in the correct order are:  
  
::switch to answer screen::  
  
Cat: D. Leo, A. Aries, B. Taurus, and C. Virgo. And the person who got it in the fastest time is...  
  
::switch screen to contestants' names::  
  
Cat: WUFEI CHANG (???)  
  
Wufei: *jumping out of his seat* Who has the most integrity now???  
  
::one random person is clapping::  
  
::everyone death-glares him::  
  
::person stops clapping::  
  
Cat: Well, Wufei, it looks like you made it into the hot seat. Let's begin, shall we? You know the rules; the  
  
three lifelines... ya-da, ya-da, ya-da... Now, onto the game.  
  
::heart beat music::  
  
::Wufei takes a sip of water::  
  
::Wufei spits it out because it's 90 proof::  
  
::Wufei yells at Cat for trying to get him drunk::  
  
::Cat ignores him completely::  
  
::audience laughs::  
  
Cat: For 100 dollars, Wufei, What is your name? Is it A. Wufei, B. Woofie, C. Wufag, or D. Wuffie?  
  
Wufei: *throwing hands into the air* ARE YOU TRYING TO MAKE OUT THAT I'M STUPID???  
  
Cat: *muttering* I don't have to try...  
  
::audience laughs::  
  
Wufei: So that's it! You think I'm stupid, eh??? Well -  
  
Cat: *buts in* That is correct! The answer is A!!  
  
::Wufei starts steaming with anger::  
  
::everyone laughs::  
  
Cat: For 200 dollars, How many fingers am I holding up? A. 4, B. 1, C. 3, or D. 9?  
  
Wufei: Damn. Maybe I shouldn't have had that whiskey...  
  
Duo: Hey, Wu-MAN, can't you "C"? I think you should be able to "C" how easy it is...  
  
Dorothy: Yeah, it's pretty easy to "C"...  
  
Cat: DUO! DOROTHY! Please stop it at once!  
  
Duo & Dorothy: Sorry...  
  
Wufei: Uh... I think it's "C"...  
  
Cat: Final answer?  
  
Wufei: Yeah...  
  
Cat: WOW! You are correct!  
  
::audience applause::  
  
Cat: Next question. For 300 dollars, in the classic nursery rhyme, "The Cat and the Fiddle" what did the spoon run away  
  
with? A. a teacup, B. a spoon, C. a knife, or D. a revolver?  
  
Wufei: Uh.. I'd think it was a revolver, but... That just wouldn't sound right.. It could have been a knife... Gee... Uh... OH!  
  
WAIT! I KNOW! IT WAS THE SPOON!!!  
  
Cat: Final?  
  
Wufei: Yes.  
  
Cat: Oh... I'm so sorry, but you are...  
  
::audience gasps::  
  
::Wufei gasps::  
  
Cat: CORRECT! That's 300 dollars!  
  
::audience sighs::  
  
Wufei: *muttering* ...Stupid Onna...  
  
Cat: Shut up. For 500 dollars, who is the biggest dumbass on the planet? A. Zechs, B. Tuberov, C. George Bush, or  
  
D. some guy named Bob?  
  
Wufei: ...uh... Oh... Argh... Well, I guess I have to ask the audience on this one...  
  
Cat: Okay, audience, it looks like Wuffie here needs some help. On your keypads, vote A, B, C, or D now...  
  
::strange in-describable music::  
  
Cat: I GUESS IT'S UNANIMOUS! BOB is the biggest dumbass on the planet!  
  
Wufei: I have to agree with that completely. D. Bob, final answer.  
  
Cat: CORRECT! Bob is DEFINATELY the biggest dumbass on the planet! *turns to camera* I hope you're listening...  
  
::Joss walks in::  
  
Joss: Damn right about that...  
  
::Bob usually gets mad by this point::  
  
Cat: Anyways... Next question... For 1000 dollars, who was the last person Lady Une killed? A. Septum, B. Darlian,  
  
C. Tuberov, or D. someone else?  
  
Wufei: Hmm... Judging by our progress through the series... I'd say B. Darlian... Everyone else will die later...  
  
::Septum jumps out of audience::  
  
Septum: WHAT??? NO NONONONONONONONONO!!! I'm gonna die???  
  
::Lady Une shoots him in the head::  
  
Lady Une: Sooner than you think...  
  
::audience cheers::  
  
Cat: Well... THAT was unexpected... BUT YOU ARE CORRECT!  
  
Wufei: *jumping up* WOO HOO!!!  
  
Cat: For 2000 dollars, what is the only difference between Duke Dermail and a gorilla?  
  
::Dermail pops out of nowhere::  
  
Dermail: YOUNG LADY! That is THE most insulting remark I have EVER heard!  
  
Treize: ...Hmph... THAT'S a surprise... hehehe...  
  
Zechs: Good one ole' buddy... he hehe...  
  
Dermail: TREIZE!! ZECHS!!  
  
Cat: Shut up jerk. Now, is it A. he only eats Chinese takeout, B. he likes singing opera, C. he looks closer to chimpanzee,  
  
or D. Nothing. There is no difference.  
  
Wufei: *leaning back in chair* That's SOOOO easy. It's D. Final answer.  
  
Cat: CORRECT! Scientists have yet to find ANY evidence to prove that Dermail is anything else BUT a gorilla.  
  
::giggling::  
  
Dermail: I have NEVER heard such -  
  
::Lady Une shoots him in the head::  
  
::audience gasps::  
  
Lady Une: She said shut up, you jerk.  
  
::Duke Dermail utters some curses before dying::  
  
Dorothy: GRANDFATHER!! *turns around* I won't cry, Grandfather... You died dishonorably...  
  
Treize: *jumping up* LADY UNE! DO YOU KNOW WHO THAT WAS???  
  
Lady Une: *shrugging* Yeah... The leader of Romefeller... Who gives a shit? The old man deserves it...  
  
Treize: *rubbing chin* ...I guess you're right... You know, he DID put me into confinement...  
  
Lady Une: I hope you're okay with that, Cat...  
  
Cat: Of course. Thanks Une. Now, for 4000 dollars, which one if these is NOT a nickname for a *cough* certain  
  
teacher? A. "Hitler", B. "PB", C. "Bitcho", or D. "Bigfoot"?  
  
Wufei: Gee, that's a hard one... I'm pretty sure I heard you mention them all before the show...  
  
Cat: *sweatdrop* eh hehehe...  
  
Wufei: I guess I need a 50/50...  
  
Cat: Okay, computer, take away 2 of the wrong answers please.  
  
::two answers disappear off screen::  
  
Cat: Now, is it A. Hitler, or D. Bigfoot?  
  
Wufei: Hmmm....  
  
Zechs: C'mon Wufei, don't "D"-fy your integrity... You're "D" best!  
  
Cat: ZECHS MERQUISE!!!  
  
::lightbulb appears above Wufei's head::  
  
Wufei: The answer is D!!!  
  
Cat: Yes, you are correct.  
  
Wufei: OH YEAH! WHO'S THE BEST?  
  
Zechs: *muttering* How about a little thanks?  
  
::commercial break::  
  
Some guy: Just a reminder, this program is brought to you by *commercial voice* THE ROMEFELLER FOUNDATION...  
  
keeping old traditions new...  
  
::end commercial break::  
  
Cat: WE'RE BACK! DID YA MISS US? And now, Wufei, your 8000 dollar question. Who has the ABSOLUTE WORST  
  
accent on TV EVER? Is it A. Relena, B. Jean Chretien, C. Groundskeeper Willy, or D. some guy named Ismail Zayid?  
  
Wufei: Hmm.. I guess I need to phone a friend...  
  
Heero: Do you HAVE any? hehehe... hehe  
  
::audience laughter::  
  
Wufei: Can it, jackass. I have more friends than you!  
  
Audience: Oo.oO _  
  
Heero: *rolling up sleeves* Oooh.. Dems dirty fightin words...  
  
Cat: Drop it you two. Wufei, who's your "friend" you'd like to call?  
  
Wufei: *ignoring sarcasm* Sally.  
  
Cat: Okay, Wufei. We'll call your "friend" Sally...  
  
Wufei: *can't ignore it anymore* STOP IT!!!  
  
Cat: Maybe your "friend" Sally will make us stop...  
  
Wufei: ARGH!!! Shut up shut up shut up shut up SHUT UP!!!  
  
Cat: Hey! Only I'M allowed to say that.  
  
::dialing phone::  
  
::phone rings::  
  
::Sally answers::  
  
Cat: Hello, Sally? Cat here from Who Wants To Kill - er... BE a Millionaire. Your "friend" Wufei seems to need a little  
  
help...  
  
Sally: *also ignoring sarcasm* Okay... Sure...  
  
Cat: Thirty seconds, Wu-Man.  
  
Wufei: *ignoring Cat* Sally, who has the ABSOLUTE WORST accent on TV EVER? Is it A. Relena, B. Jean Chretien,  
  
C. Groundskeeper Willy, or D. some guy named Ismail Zayid?  
  
Sally: I do believe it's B. Jean Chretien... I'm about as sure as I am about launching this new shuttle model...  
  
Wufei: How sure is that?  
  
Sally: Uh... about 21.6%...  
  
Wufei: AAARRRRGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!!!  
  
::Cat starts laughing::  
  
Wufei: Uh... thanks Sally...  
  
Sally: You're very welcome.  
  
::phone connection cut::  
  
::Cat is still laughing::  
  
::Wufei smacks her over the head::  
  
::Cat picks up a newspaper, rolls it up, and smacks Wufei right back::  
  
Cat: NO ONE smacks ME over the head!  
  
::audience laughs at Wufei's misfortune::  
  
Duo: WHOA! Did you hear that, man? I think he really DOES have friends...  
  
Cat: Tell me about it...  
  
Wufei: *TRYING to ignore comment* I'll have to say B.  
  
Cat: SALLY WAS RIGHT!! On the contrary to what everyone might think, Relena actually does NOT have the worst  
  
accent on TV... What a surprize...  
  
::audience clapping::  
  
Cat: For 16000 dollars, Which of these is the most dangerous: A. a dober gun, B. a beam cannon, C. a rampaging mobile  
  
suit, or D. a McDonald's Happy Meal?  
  
Wufei: Shit. I honestly don't know... I've tried them all, and they're ALL are dangerous, I know that for sure... but...  
  
Cat: Do you need some time to think?  
  
Wufei: No.. I guess 8000 dollars is plenty... I suppose that it's enough to get Nataku's head out of the pawn shop... Cat?  
  
Cat: Yeeesssss?  
  
Wufei: I'm going to have to take the money and walk away...  
  
Cat: Sure, no problem... Would you like to take a guess anyway?  
  
Wufei: Yeah, sure.. I'd say B.  
  
Cat: So sorry.. You're lucky to have made your choice. The correct answer is D. a McDonalds Happy Meal.  
  
Audience: Awwww...  
  
::metal music::  
  
Cat: Here's your check for 8000 dollars. Hope you can get your Shenlong's head out of the pawn shop... hehehe... Actually,  
  
you won't be able to... I swaped it for my old telephone.. Nataku's head makes an excellent paperweight... hehehe...  
  
Wufei: YOU DID WHAT???  
  
Cat: Nothing. NOW GET YOUR FILTHY GAY ASS OF THIS STAGE!! Thank you. *pointing* The exit is that way.  
  
::Wufei takes the check and walks out::  
  
::audience applause::  
  
Cat: *sigh* I'm sure glad THAT'S over... *grinning* We'll be right back...  
  
::commercial break::  
  
::end part two::  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
***Weird, huh? Don't worry, it gets worse. Keep reading!! ^_^ *** 


	3. Part Three

::begin part three::  
  
::end commercial break::  
  
::audience applause::  
  
Cat: Welcome back! And if you're just joining us, this is the GUNDAM edition of Who Wants to Be a Millionaire live from  
  
the New Edwards Base! We just went through our first contestant, and let's see what he had to say backstage...  
  
::SPECIAL contestant talk time::  
  
Wufei: I should have known the answer to that last one. I was told that the water was 90 proof AFTER the game... It's  
  
INJUSTICE! Cat shouldn't be hosting the show. She has no justice. She's just a weak Onna. Treize shouldn't make it  
  
into the hot seat. He has no integrity. *shaking fist at camera* Just you wait, TRIEZE! I'm gonna get you!!!  
  
::end talk time::  
  
Cat: Well, he certainly didn't have anything nice to say. And don't worry, Treize, Wufei's being shipped off to the MH right  
  
at this moment. He won't be able to kill or "get" anyone for a while...  
  
::far off in the background is heard the word "INJUSTICE!!!!!!!!"::  
  
Cat: Well, he's gone, so you know what that means...  
  
::metal music::  
  
Cat: It's time for our next fastest finger question!!!  
  
::audience cheers::  
  
Cat: Silence in the audience please.  
  
::total silence::  
  
::Noventa starts whistling::  
  
::Lady Une shoots him in the head::  
  
Lady Une: She said silence in the audience.  
  
Cat: Uh... Okkkaaaayy... What was that? Like the THIRD person today? Ah, well, at least you're keeping the audience in  
  
line... Thanks Une...  
  
Lady Une: No problem.  
  
Cat: Here's our next fastest finger question! Put these following animes into alphabetical order: A. "Escaflowne", B.  
  
"Gundam Wing", C. "DragonBall Z", and D. "Ah My Goddess!"  
  
::in-describable music::  
  
Cat: Times up! And the answers in the correct alphabetical order are: D. "Ah My Goddess!", C. DragonBall Z, A.  
  
"Escaflowne", and finally, B. Gundam Wing.  
  
::answers disappear off screen::  
  
Cat: And the winner this time is...  
  
::switch screen to contestants names::  
  
::Cat gasps::  
  
Cat: RELENA PEACECRAFT???  
  
::audience gasps::  
  
::contestants gasp::  
  
::Relena gasps::  
  
Relena: Yay! See, I'm NOT stupid!!  
  
Cat: OH LORD! NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!  
  
Audience: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!  
  
Contestants: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!  
  
Relena: NOOOOOOO!! - ..er... uh... I mean YEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!  
  
Everyone: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!  
  
::Bender pops out of the audience::  
  
Bender: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! It's a monster!!! Kill it!!! KILL IT!!!!!  
  
::Bender runs out of the building::  
  
Cat: Uh... Didn't that already happen?  
  
Audience: Uh...  
  
Quatre: Well, I think he's trying to get a point across...  
  
Cat: You might be right about that...  
  
Relena: What point? He's a stupid robot.  
  
Lady Une: Look whos talking...  
  
Relena: LADY UNE!! That wasn't very nice...  
  
Heero: Shut up Relena... We'd rather listen to a stupid tin-can robot and a crazy schizophrinic like Une, than some DICK like you.  
  
Audience: Oo.oO  
  
Relena: HEERO!!!!!  
  
Heero: I SAID SHUT UP!!!  
  
::audience cheers::  
  
Cat: You said it, Heero!  
  
Relena: Can we start the game yet?  
  
Audience: Awwwwwww...  
  
::heartbeat music::  
  
Cat: *sigh* Fine. For 100 dollars Relena, Which of these appliances do you use to call people? A. a blender, B. a microwave,  
  
C. a telephone, or D. a toaster?  
  
Relena: Hmm... it might be a microwave... but... OH oh oh oh!! I KNOW!! A telephone!!!  
  
Cat: Correct! *muttering* ...stupid princess...  
  
Zechs: SHE ANSWERED IT!!! I CAN'T BELIEVE SHE ACTUALLY ANSWERED IT!!!!!!!! hehehe... I thought she'd say  
  
toaster... You guys shoulda seen her try to call Heero.. he hehe...  
  
::audience laughter::  
  
Relena: Zechs!!! Come now, you're my brother!!! Stop it!  
  
Zechs: hehe.. yeah, I am... shamefully... hehehe... wish I weren't...  
  
::stiffled giggling::  
  
Cat: Next question. For 200 dollars, What is the name of the Japanime you act in? A. Gundam Wing, B. Tenshi,  
  
C. Digimon, or D. CardCaptors?  
  
Relena: Ouch, that's tough... I think it's... no wait... it's... uhh... I believe it's... um... uh... I think I'll ask the audience...  
  
Cat: Okay, audience, the "princess" needs your help. On your keypads, vote A, B, C, or D.  
  
::strange music::  
  
Cat: Times up, and... What the - ??? hehehe... looks like only one person voted.. hehehe...  
  
::everyone looks around to see who::  
  
::random person starts giggling nervously::  
  
::everyone death-glares him::  
  
Cat: Anyway, it says the answer is A. Gundam Wing.  
  
Relena: Then I'll say A. Final answer.  
  
Cat: She's correct, folks.  
  
Audience: Awwwwwww....  
  
Contestants: Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww.....  
  
Relena: What???  
  
Cat: Relena, ignore them so we can get this over with.. For 300 dollars, what is the definition of a pacifist? Is it A. a  
  
psycopathic freak who talks to people who aren't even there, B. a bitchy (MALE) stalker/princess who thinks everyone  
  
can get along fine without weapons, C. Relena Peacecraft, or D. All of the above?  
  
Relena: Uh... Oh! That's easy! The answer is ME!!!  
  
::dramatic music::  
  
Cat: Oh, so sorry Relena.. The correct answer was D. all of the above. Total prize money is zero, here's your check. Now  
  
get out of here.  
  
Relena: *sulking*  
  
::Relena takes the BLANK check and walks away::  
  
::audience cheers::  
  
Cat: Phew... That was actually faster than I expected it... Wow!  
  
::audience starts celebrating::  
  
Cat: Join us after a moment for our next and probably final round.  
  
::commercial break::  
  
::end part three::  
  
  
  
  
  
***You're almost done... Keep on reading... Surprize ending, watch out... :P *** 


	4. Part Four

::begin part four::  
  
::end commercial break::  
  
Cat: Thank you for joining us. Now, some special behind the scenes talk time with our last contestant.  
  
::SPECIAL talk time with contestant::  
  
Relena: I was SOOOO sure of that last answer... How could I be wrong? Well, it was okay for my first try on a game show...  
  
I didn't like how Lady Une was killing people because they wouldn't shut up, but then again, I don't like her because  
  
she killed my family... YES, I used to have a family... But she killed it!!! *starts sobbing* I can't believe Cat is her  
  
friend. They're all evil. *suddenly becoming loud and scary* EVIL!!! EVIL I TELL YOU!!!!!! *falling into a  
  
passionate speech about pacifism for some reason* ---insert unusual, un-understandable jibberish here---  
  
Producer backstage: *sneaks up behind Relena and duct tapes her mouth* I never knew ANYONE could be SO annoying...  
  
::end talk time::  
  
Cat: Hmph... THAT was DEFINATELY one of the weirdest things I've EVER heard... Anyway, here's our next fastest  
  
finger question.  
  
::metal music::  
  
Cat: Put these animals in order from the stupidest to the smartest: A. a chimpanzee, B. a turkey, C. CE Tuberov, and  
  
D. a tiger.  
  
::strange music::  
  
::switch to answers::  
  
Cat: Okay, times up, and the answers in order from stupidest to smartest are: C. CE Tuberov, B. a turkey, D. a tiger, and  
  
finally A. a chimpanzee.  
  
::Tuberov is insulted::  
  
::Tuberov THINKS about objecting, but then remembers that Lady Une would probably shoot him::  
  
::Tuberov coughs instead::  
  
::Lady Une STILL shoots him anyway::  
  
::everyone stares::  
  
Cat: Well... I suppose that was coming... Now, our next contestant is...  
  
::switch to contestants' names::  
  
Cat: Treize Khushrenada!!!  
  
::audience cheers::  
  
::one random person in the audience boos instead::  
  
::the person is finally centered out::  
  
::Lady Une shoots him::  
  
::everyone cheers::  
  
::Treize gets into the hotseat::  
  
Cat: Well, at least we now know that we're going to have at least ONE intellectual on this show...  
  
Treize: *smiling*  
  
Cat: *TRYING to ignore Treize's smile* Okay, let's begin. For 100 dollars, what -  
  
::Cat is cut off::  
  
::soldiers run into the building::  
  
Duo: OH MAN! It's the IRS!!!! EVERYONE HIDE!!!!!!  
  
::Dorothy runs to the exits and locks them::  
  
IRS: *pounding on door* We know you're in there. We have you completely surrounded! There is NO escape. Repeat: We  
  
have you completely surrounded! Come out with the 27+ thousand dollars you owe us!!!  
  
Duo: Everyone shhhhhhh!!!!  
  
IRS: Duo Maxwell, you owe us 4000 dollars! Come out now!  
  
::everyone stares at Duo::  
  
Duo: eh hehehe...  
  
IRS: ZECHS MERQUISE! You owe us 10 000 dollars! Get your butt out here now!  
  
::everyone stares at Zechs::  
  
Zechs: What???  
  
IRS: Cat! You owe us 4000 dollars, 2 local phone books, a frying pan, and an ice cream cone! Get out here now!  
  
::everyone stares at Cat::  
  
::Cat shrugs::  
  
::everyone starts laughing at the list of demands::  
  
IRS: Heero Yuy, you owe us 9000 dollars and a Gundam! Surrender at once!  
  
::no one bothers staring anymore::  
  
IRS: Everyone else, THIS IS A ROBBERY! LAY DOWN YOUR ARMS AND HAND OVER ANY BELONGINGS OF  
  
VALUE!!!!  
  
::everyone looks afraid::  
  
::Treize whispers something to Lady Une::  
  
::Lady Une takes out her cellphone::  
  
::moments later::  
  
IRS: WHAT THE - ??? Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!! Mobile dolls!!!! Run!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
::Treize and Une are amiling gleefully::  
  
Cat: Wow! I'm glad that's over.. Oh, but I'm afraid we're almost out of time! But no one got to win a million dollars...  
  
DOES ANYONE KNOW HOW TO SOLVE THAT PROBLEM???  
  
::Bender pops out of the audience AGAIN::  
  
Bender: *pointing at screen with Relena's picture* Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!! It's a monster! Kill it! KILL  
  
IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
::Bender runs out of the building::  
  
::everyone looks at each other::  
  
Heero: I think he's on to something...  
  
Everyone: *rubbing palms together whle plotting an evil deed* Muhahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
::everyone looks at Cat reapproachfully::  
  
::Cat smiles evily::  
  
Cat: RELENA? Could you come out here for a moment?  
  
::Relena walks in::  
  
Cat: Relena, I know you didn't win, but here... *winking at the audience* ...we all want you to take the money... Have a seat.  
  
Here's a check for one million dollars.  
  
Relena: You mean it?  
  
Cat: *winking at audience again* Yes, of course I mean it...  
  
::Relena sits down::  
  
Relena: Oh! Thank you!!!  
  
Cat: *grinning evily* And now, folks, it's time for my favorite part of the show! Let's play...  
  
::Cat pushes a blue button::  
  
::Relena gets strapped into the chair::  
  
Audience & Contestants & Cat: WHO WANTS TO KILL A MILLIONAIRE!!!  
  
::Cat pushes a red button::  
  
::Relena gets electricuted::  
  
Relena: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
::Relena dies::  
  
Everyone: YIPEEEE!!! YAHOO!!! YAY!!! HIP HIP HOORAY!!!!!!!!!!!!! ALLLRRRIIIGGGGHHHHT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
WOO HOO!!!! YEAH!!!! YESYESYESYESYESYESYES!!!!!!!!!!!!! AAWWWEEESSSOOOMMMEEEE!!!!!!!  
  
Cat: Wow... that felt good... *sigh* I always wanted to do that...  
  
Duo: YAY! She's dead!! Now let's PAR-TAY!!!  
  
::audience starts celebrating::  
  
::commercial guy pos out of nowhere::  
  
Commercial guy: Just a reminder, this program was brought to you by *commercial voice* THE ROMEFELLER  
  
FOUNDATION... Keeping old tradidtions -  
  
::Cat pushes the red button again::  
  
::the commercial guys gets zapped::  
  
Commercial guy: ...new...  
  
::Lady Une shoots him::  
  
::the commercial guy dies::  
  
::no one cares::  
  
::everyone keeps partying::  
  
::Wufei escapes from the MH and joins the party::  
  
::Wufei suddenly snaps out of what was possibly a trance::  
  
Wufei: AHHHHHH!!!! NOOOOOOO!!!! Dancing and singing with the enemy!!! I am weak! Forgive me Nataku!!!!!!  
  
::Wufei runs out of building::  
  
::Lady Une and Treize disappear somewhere::  
  
::Noin suddely shows up::  
  
::Noin and Zechs disappear somwhere::  
  
::Trowa and Quatre go to Trowa's apartment::  
  
Cat: HEY! I JUST REALIZED SOMETHING!!! Dorothy didn't kill one person during this WHOLE show!!!!  
  
::everyone looks at Dorothy::  
  
::Dorothy is grinning sheepishly while trying to hide a fencing foil behind her back; there is a body laying by her feet::  
  
Dorothy: eh hehehe...  
  
::the IRS comes and joins in on the party::  
  
::the mobile dolls squish them all::  
  
::James Bond comes to get Heero for stealing his line::  
  
::Bender comes back and brings the booze::  
  
::everyone gets VERY drunk::  
  
::Cat catches a plane back to Cananda::  
  
::credits run across the screen::  
  
::everyone is STILL partying::  
  
::the base explodes::  
  
::Dilandau is spotted standing outside the rubble::  
  
  
  
Dilandau: MMMMOOOOORRRRRRREEEEEEEEOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! Muhahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!!!!! DIE,  
  
STUPID GUNDAM CHARACTERS, DIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!  
  
::the Earth explodes::  
  
Dilandau: Shit.  
  
::commercial break::  
  
::end part four::  
  
::story ends here::  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
***So, wha'd'ya think? Packed with stupidity and poor attempts at humor, right? Please R&R. Thanx!! Oh, and if you're wondering who Bob and Joss are, they're friends of mine... Well, Bob isn't... He's just a classmate... Joss is my friend... ^_^ Cat is (Well, duh, who else...) me... The one and only Crazy Cathy...*** 


End file.
